I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Sorry my hands just texted you
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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