Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
