official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
