New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
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