there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
