Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
false alarm, still single
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