I was born with a shot glass in my hand
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
