so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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