went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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