After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
