she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
