I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
