I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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