You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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