It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
