i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
