alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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