if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
