How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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