we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
