The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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