he thought i was a dude.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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