I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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