I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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