Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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