I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
