all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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