I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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