hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
