mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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