I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
