Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
