I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
