so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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