Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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