We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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