Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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