my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
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I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
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We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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