Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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