There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
