I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
