I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
These tits shall not be calmed
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