So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
