so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We had sex on a dog bed..
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
