i don't like sucking hair
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
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