I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
