apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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