Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
