dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
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