I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
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after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
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Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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