I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
