someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
