Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
