Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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