During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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