she woke up with a sticky ear
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
