I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I wear drunk well.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
