I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
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They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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