Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
