it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
