is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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