Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
This toilet bowl is my home.
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