Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
