he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
