I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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