i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
