I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
