Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
