I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
