I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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