the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
