I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
