He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
