he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
