i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
