girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
