just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
