i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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