My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
