i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
