It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
