if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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