YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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