am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
im six kinds of drunk right now
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
