dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
