My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
