Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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