I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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