First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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